How often have you heard the phrase: “It saved my life,” or, “It changed my life?” Probably too often to give it much more thought than being a catchy way to start a story. A rhetorical attention getter, if you will. Well, forgive me for being passionate about naturism, but in my case it did, literally, save my life.

I had been involved in emergency medicine for about three years, and had attained the level of paramedic with both state and National Registry certifications, when I moved down south to take a job. I had both provider and instructor certifications in American Heart Association Basic Life Support (BLS or better known as CPR), Advanced Cardiac Life Support (ACLS), and Pediatric Advanced Life Support (PALS). All this, and a background as a scuba instructor – giving me experience with water rescue, gave me a good amount of confidence going south for my new job…I couldn’t have been more wrong.

All emergency work is stressful. Some people thrive on it, some people tolerate it…but some don’t. I had done all right up north, but this job was worse than anything I had ever experienced before, and I rapidly started getting into trouble. EMT’s are trained to some degree on how to recognize and deal with stress in others and in their own lives. I started to search for ways to cope with my own mounting stress levels. I bought a bike and started riding it regularly. I listened to music. I searched for hobbies, or anything that would provide some escape and relaxation to recharge my batteries, but nothing could keep up with the horrific onslaught of the killer stress.

The symptoms of depression started slowly – so slowly and innocuously that I didn’t catch them. I started withdrawing, and shunning any activity with others; gradually at first, but with increasing regularity. I was sad much of the time, and would break into tears for no apparent reason. At first crying was brought on by songs or movies that moved me, and I thought I was just getting sentimental in my “old age.” It didn’t take long for the snowball effect of mounting stress levels and the growing depression to increase the intensity of the sadness to a soulful pain. There was no escape from it – music couldn’t be played loud enough, the room couldn’t be made dark enough, I couldn’t burrow deep enough into the covers of my bed to escape it. It became increasingly obvious, that the only way to make the pain stop was to make life stop. It wasn’t worth living this way anyway.

So what stopped me from ending it all? A life preserver that had been thrown to me and that my subconscious was desperately clinging to. Back when I was searching for a way to relax, I stumbled onto a naturist club about 45 minutes from my apartment. One day I called to get some information about them, and they invited me to come check out their facilities with a day pass.

What happened next is so very similar to so many different stories. The nervous anxiousness I experienced during the drive there. The curiosity and fear…and the relief – the realization that I fit better there than anywhere else. I was indeed “home” among total strangers. The complete peace that swept over me was a soothing balm that temporarily washed away my feelings of inadequacy and despair. That peace was the only thing capable of keeping me going until I could get help.

I am now retired from emergency services and am very happily married to a woman who connects with me and understands me like no one else on earth. Yes, I am still suffering from depression, and dealing with it on a day to day basis. But with a wonderful woman at my side and naturism in my life, I have a bright spot in my heart – if not always in my head.